The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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