There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
