porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
