im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
