It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
