i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
