he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He passed out mid-signature
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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