New low: just hacked my moms facebook
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
