from now on my penis is your penis
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
