Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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