someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
