I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so let's talk penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
