duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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