i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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