My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
