go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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