Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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