I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
