I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
