i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
