my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just high enough for therapy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Come on in and take your pants off
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
