1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
pop tarts are not kleenex
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
