she looked like the before picture.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
