I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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