i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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