watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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