my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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