Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
