In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
