quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
