I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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