Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
