xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize