Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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