So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
