he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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