his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You pole danced in your parka.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
