My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Semen is not good for contacts.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
