At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
being pregnant is like rehab
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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