I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
