were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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