We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
