now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
