If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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