No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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