The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
