All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
