there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
