you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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