My sheets look like a crime scene.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
