I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
